What to do now ?

by ROBERT
(BALTIMORE MD USA)

Hi all,
OK well this maybe crazy I am not sure but your input may help me especially from you ladies. First off I've been down and hurt many times and have made it through it so I know feelings will change and I in this case I give this one to God.

I am a father of two children who I have raised myself . I have given up my life for them and I tell this because most all of the years I haven't dated . So one day I got it in my head to look up some old friends . Well I found one very special friend who I lost 23 years ago . Now this person was the one I really wanted to spend my life with (I was her first). To this day I felt she is apart of me inside of me some how.

So I sent her an Email and asked if she was this person I knew and she answer’s back yes. We did the Email thing and the txt thing for a few days then I got to go and see her . What a happy day this was !

Well we got to start talking and seeing each other more. Well so here it gets strange . She is single but living with her business partner, they had a relationship but he cheated on her. So anyway we didn't get romantic and I was a little OK with that but deep inside I wanted to . (She did say she loved me)

Here is the part that hit me hard, she told me that she had a baby and it was mine and that the Baby had died after eight weeks . She said she tried to tell me way back when but I was with someone else and she didn't think I would of believed her .(She was wrong)

Now I don't understand why but I felt closer to her and I did and really do have real feelings for her, I care a lot. So just at the end of November I wasn't hearing much from her she kept putting me off . I kind of knew she must of gotten back with the guy she was living with . Still I am not sure if that’s what happen she wouldn't tell me .

Now we haven't had any contact in over three month's so her Birthday came and I txt Happy BD to her and she answered back Thanks . So I left it at that . That next night I was thinking of her and praying I could talk to her and out of no where she called .

She said sorry she called the wrong number and I said OK and asked how she was doing and what happen between us she said she was sorry she hurt me and that there were bad memories and she wanted to forget, I said I understand and asked if maybe I could say Hi from time to time just to see how she was. (I could hear she was tearing up)

She said (and this did hurt) maybe in another life. Well I then said to her if you really mean that I am sorry she feels that way. I couldn't tell if she said she didn't mean that or not like I said I think she was crying a little well that was the end of our talk but later feeling hurt I text her and told her I was very sorry seeing me made her feel bad and that I have to think about our Son that I never even got to see and his mother won't even talk to me .

She said sorry she has to live with that everyday of her life . Some reason she thinks I hate her and I think she hates me . I don't hate her of course I really Love her . Sorry this has been so long .

So what I am asking is what do I do now? I am not sure she really doesn’t want to be friend, did she really call the wrong number after not calling for months ? I feel she and I should stay in contact if anything to honor our son. I only want to say Hi to her not see her if it hurts her.

What also makes this weird is when I started looking for old friends she was the only one out of many I found. I was thinking of writing her a letter but I have never been good at putting the right words together .Thanks for reading this .