Verbal abuse is the use of words directed toward oneself or others in a harmful, disrespectful manner.
Examples include being critical, yelling, name calling (idiot, stupid, loser, etc.), and downgrading the self-worth of another or the self .
I believe there are two types of verbal abuse.
The abuse we inflict on ourselves.
I believe this first type of abuse is the most common, yet the least discussed.
If you're inflicting abuse on yourself, it's more likely that you're inflicting abuse on another.
Think about it for a minute......
If you call yourself names, you will call other people names.
If you are hurting, you want others to hurt. And when you don't like yourself, you don't want another to like themselves.
Someone who has a healthy, loving relationship with the self will never tolerate any form of abuse from the self or from others.
In addition, this person will never intentionally cause verbal, physical, or emotional harm to another living being.
The abuse we inflict on others.
It is typically common to be unaware of the abuse one may inflict on another.
However, it is very important to start paying attention. Verbal abuse is very damaging.
Have you heard of this common saying..
"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me!"
So far from the truth!
Damaging, negative, abusive words hurt and attack your self-worth and confidence.
Never inflict abuse on another. Be careful with your words and use your words only to speak truth and love of yourself and another.
Learn more about the importance of your words in the book The Four Agreementsby Don Miguel Ruiz.
What are the signs of Verbal Abuse?
If you are questioning "What is Verbal Abuse" you may also be wondering about the signs of verbal abuse.
Here are some common signs:
You start doubting yourself. Doubting your thoughts, feelings, and abilities. ("I can't cry. Only babies cry." I am not as intelligent as my classmates.")
You develop a low opinion of self. ("I don't believe I can amount to anything. I screw everything up. It's always my fault.")
You start avoiding people because you're afraid of what others are saying or thinking about you.
You feel unimportant, devalued, and criticized by the words of certain individuals.
If another person is devaluing you (doubting you, calling you names, disrespecting you in anyway) become aware of this and don't allow the verbal abuse to continue.
When I think of what is verbal abuse, I think about this song by Timbaland called "Apologize." It reminds me of a relationship I was in during college. During a "discussion" between myself and this boyfriend, he decided to call me a few choice words. I, on the other hand, didn't appreciate his lack of respect and ended the relationship right then and there. He was apologetic, of course, but it was "Too Late to Apologize!"
Why is this happening to me and what can I do about it?
The main reason this is happening is..
You have not been aware of the abuse.
You have been taught that this is normal behavior.
You have been verbally abusive to yourself.
What can you do about this?
Start paying attention to the words of your loved ones. Anytime you hear something that feels hurtful, honor your feelings. Let that person know how you feel. Healthy Communication is how you honor your feelings. And if this person continues to disrespect you, it's time to end the relationship.
Understand that verbal abuse is anything but normal.
It's not okay for others to put you down. The longer you allow others to put you down, the greater chance they'll continue to put you down, and you'll continue to feel worse about yourself.
If anything, remember this...
"When you build a better relationship with yourself, you'll begin noticing the abuse that others will inflict on you. You'll then decide what you'll tolerate and what you'll not tolerate."
Chances are you will no longer allow any form of abuse into your life and you'll know the answer to "What is Verbal Abuse!"
"What is Verbal Abuse" Related Articles:
The Verbal Abuse Checklist will help you develop awareness on whether or not you or someone else is verbally abusive.
