Verbal Abuse

Step 3-A from the E-book, "Healing from Your Child Abuse Story Once and For All!"

Verbal abuse cuts your heart, rips out your emotions, and stomps on your dignity. This type of abuse is an insult to the gift of uniqueness and a burden to healthy growth. It’s unfortunate that many families use this type of abuse as a way to communicate, not realizing the damage it causes because he or she grew up knowing this language as the norm.

If you’re not familiar with what verbal abuse is, here are some examples:

• Calling someone hurtful names (e.g., slut, bitch, fatso, loser, etc.)


• Downgrading someone’s importance; belittling (e.g., “You’re not needed here!”)


• Blaming (e.g, “You’re the reason why this family is falling apart!”)


• Criticizing (e.g, “What were you thinking; you should have known better!”)


• Using words to control someone else (e.g., “You cannot make it without me!”)

Although this type of abuse can have detrimental effects on another person’s well-being, it’s very important to realize that you are the one who is control of yourself, not someone else. If you allow words to determine how you’re going to feel about yourself, then you’ll constantly find yourself feeling very defensive and angry with the loved one who is stepping all over you. In the words of Dr. Phil,

A loved one will continually badger your self-worth with hurtful words if you allow them too. However, it’s important to understand that you can put an end to those demeaning words just by paying attention to your feelings and doing something about it. The moment you realize that it’s wrong for someone to put your down, that's the moment when you’ll begin to change.

The reason that people allow the abuse to continue is because he or she feels in some way that they deserve it or they feel bad about themselves to begin with. However, when you realize you have personal rights, regardless of how you feel about yourself, you’ll no longer allow others to put you down, and the moment you do that is the moment where you’ll start developing your self-esteem.

However, you cannot regain self-esteem when you’re in an abusive relationship, the reason being is, the moment you get yourself up is the moment where you’ll find yourself starting all over. So as soon as you begin realizing your rights, be sure to follow these tips in order to get to your “loving-confident self.” You can find the tips here.

Step 3-B: Understanding the Mental and Emotional Abuse
Step 3-C: Understanding the Physical Abuse
Step 3-D: Understanding the Sexual Abuse
Step 3-E: Understanding an Alcoholic, Neglectful, and/or Mentally Ill Parent
Step 3-F: Letting Go of Your Need For Approval

Return from Verbal Abuse to the Beginning of the Abuse E-book