Sign of Domestic Abuse

I have discovered the "ultimate" sign of domestic abuse through my experience and I will share that with you here.

I have facilitated a domestic violence group aimed toward helping perpetrators (those who have been charged with domestic battery) build healthier skills in areas such as relationships, communication, boundaries, and self-esteem.

I have also worked in a Women's Shelter for Domestic Violence, have taught women's self-defense, and have received a certification for Domestic Violence Training.

I have seen both sides of the "story." I have counseled women (usually the victim) and men (usually the perpetrator). During counseling, I have heard what each person in the relationship has to say and have concluded the following about the sign of domestic abuse...

Domestic Violence is physical, emotional, mental, and verbal abuse inflicted on a significant other, spouse, or family member.

There are always two sides to a story. Two perspectives, two opinions, two beliefs, two judgments, and two different experiences.

This is the same with domestic violence.

However, there are common causes of domestic abuse.

1. There is a lack of communication.


2. A feeling of being disrespected by the other.


3. There is a lack of self-esteem and self-respect of oneself.


4. Not being "truly" in love with his or her significant other.


5. Not knowing what to do with one's emotions (anger, resentment, jealousy).

What typically happens is the man will withhold his emotions and "blow" up later becoming physically, emotionally, and verbally abusive toward his significant other.

Women usually have poor self-confidence and have difficulty sticking up for themselves or they stick up for themselves to the point of being on defense all the time. Women also have difficulty communicating their needs and wants.

The ultimate sign of domestic abuse is a feeling that you are less of a person after entering the relationship.

You feel less of a person because you are criticized, yelled at, downgraded, and physically, mentally, sexually, and verbally violated. Your boundaries are constantly crossed due to your significant other having little respect for your well-being, dignity, and value.

You hold your head down, you disrespect yourself more than ever before, you are less social, and you're afraid of "ticking" your significant other off. In addition, your significant other's opinions, beliefs, needs, and wants come before your own.

One major importance to pay attention to in regards to the sign of domestic abuse is yourself! You know when something doesn't feel right. Trust that instinct before it's too late.

1. Develop awareness of what verbal, physical, and emotional abuse is and if you are inflicting this on your loved one.


2. Start healing from abuse that you may have endured during childhood.


3. Develop awareness for your emotions (anger, jealousy, resentment, etc.) and how withholding your emotions may be affecting your relationship.


4. Develop awareness of your needs, wants, values, beliefs, judgments, etc.


5. Learn how to communicate your feelings, needs, wants, and judgments to your significant other in a healthy, non-violent way.

This goes for both parties in the relationship.

To the women out there, you absolutely need to stand up for yourself regardless of how broken down you are. Stand up for your dignity, respect of yourself, and for your children. However, watch your defensiveness if you constantly feel the need to stand up for yourself, you'll find yourself constantly on edge.

Men share your feelings! Give to your partner. Communicate. You will not be let down.

Respect each other!

It is important to understand that domestic violence can happen at any time and to anyone. It doesn't matter what sex, race, religion, or age you are.

What does matter, however, is being aware of what triggers abuse and what you can do about it.

Also understand that the abuser and the victim are the same. Both parties are creating an unhealthy relationship that lacks communication, understanding, love, and respect.

Creating a healthy, loving relationship is attainable, if you and your partner are willing to make the change.

If you are willing but your partner is not willing to make any changes, then make sure you help yourself by learning new skills, creating a safe environment, and having confidence in your abilities.