Ending Self Mutilation

Step 2-D from "Healing from Your Child Abuse Story Once and For All!"

What is self mutilation?

Wikipedia.org defines self mutilation as, “deliberate injury inflicted by a person upon their own body without suicidal intent.” Why do people do this to themselves? What is the point?

Well, self-harm is often associated with being abused. Often times the one who was abused was sworn by the “abuser” not to tell anyone about the abuse, and the one abused often doesn’t have anyone to release his or her emotions too.

As a matter of fact, about two years ago I attended a conference facilitated by a man named Patrick DeChello. He had several years of experience with people who self-mutilate, and during this conference he stated, “As many as 90% of people that self-mutilate report being discouraged by their loved ones from expressing emotions, particularly anger and sadness.” He also mentioned there’s a high percentage of self-mutilators who have been sexually or physically abused as a child.

On the other hand, those who have been abused are not the only ones self-mutilating. As a matter of fact, according to Jeffrey Kluger, the author of the article “The Cruelest Cut,” indicated that self-mutilators also come from stable home environments. Patrick Dechello also adds that the demographics of self-mutilators are “females, perfectionistic, 13-30 years of age, Caucasian, middle and upper class, and they have average to high average IQ’s.”

Why self mutilation?

Many of my clients that self injure do so because it feels “good.” And although the act of cutting is self-destructive, the feeling of emotional release is much stronger. It’s often the only way this person knows how to feel good.

For example, since releasing emotions was not tolerated in an abusive environment, the “one abused” learns to withhold his or her feelings until he or she cannot any longer, and compared to holding one’s feelings in, cutting oneself is a well-received opportunity to feel “normal” for once. It’s an unhealthy, yet functioning way for someone who has endured abuse to express himself or herself. And because one is aware of the dysfunctionality of cutting, he or she will often hide the scars from others. In a way, this is something that one is ashamed of, yet it’s also a way for him or her to function on a daily basis.

Here are some examples of self mutilation:

• Hair pulling
• Banging head on objects
• Punching oneself
• Cutting self with razor blade, knife, or another sharp object
• Skin picking
• Scab picking
• Scratching oneself in order to inflict harm
• Burning self with lighter, cigarette, or another flammable source

According to Wikipedia.com, causing physical injury to oneself is a way to escape the emotional pain. In other words, as long as one has something physical to focus on, he or she doesn't have to focus on the emotional pain caused by the abuse.

Self mutilation triggers:

Patrick DeChello claims that self mutilation triggers include.. “feelings of abandonment, disappointment, isolation, low self-worth, feelings of emptiness, the need for self-punishment, and difficulty ventilating secrets from the past.” The self-punishment trigger, in my professional opinion, seems to be the biggest trigger for self mutilation, especially when one was sexually abused.

I believe that the need for punishment falls in the category of guilt and shame! You can read more about it in Step 2-C of this e-book!

So in all, if you’re tired of self-mutilating and you’re ready to move forward, do so by practicing the following tips:

Self Mutilation Tips:

Face Your Feelings:

Go back to Step 1-A and Step 2-B for this tip. It’s very important that you allow yourself the opportunity to feel, and it doesn’t matter what feeling it is, just allow yourself to have it! There is nothing wrong about your feelings!

Learn assertive communication

You can learn more about assertive communication here. This type of communication allows you the freedom to assert your feelings while also respecting the feelings of another. This is a big self-confidence booster and it’s a great habit to develop in order to feel heard, understood, and appreciated. Once you learn the importance of asserting yourself, you’ll notice a difference in your mood and relationships.

Build your Self-Esteem

One of the best ways to decrease self mutilation is to develop a better picture of yourself. The way you do this is by reading positive material; associating with positive, inspiring people; developing positive self-talk; and allowing the opportunity to set goals for yourself. Create a purpose for yourself and your need for mutilation will automatically decrease.

Help Others

It’s a great self-confidence booster to help other people. Once you help others (in a healthy balance with taking care of yourself as well), you’ll notice that your emotions typically improve for the better. As soon as you find yourself having the urge to self-mutilate, find someone you can give an encouraging word to; this will automatically take your mind off of hurting yourself!

Replace your negative coping skills with positive, healthy coping skills.

During that self mutilation conference, Patrick indicated one of the best coping skills for self-mutilators is to “put a rubber band around their wrist and snap the rubber band as soon as he or she has the urge to cut.” I’m assuming that this coping method provides relief from the urge and it’s a healthy alternative to cutting. Another coping skill he recommended was to have the self-mutilator rub “Ben Gay” on the skin where he or she plans to cut, this way it gives the illusion of “blood,” which also satisfies the urge to harm. He also discussed drawing a red line with a felt tip marker on the area where you would cut.

There are several other coping skills that are just as beneficial. You can try taking a warm bath or going for a walk when you have an urge. You can also call the self mutilation hotline at 1-800-dontcut to talk to a professional about your urges.

You will overcome self mutilation, but you need to make a choice to do so. It always starts with you first. If you’re reading this material, you’re taking the first step in recovery. Do not let your past reflect how you’re going to treat yourself today. You have the right to be heard and you have the right to feel your feelings-in a healthy, loving way.

Step 2-E: How to End the Cycle of Suicidal Intentions

Resources:

Kluger, M. (May 16 2005). The Cruelest Cut. Time. 165(20), 48-50.

www.wikipedia.org; Free Encylopedia

Return from Self Mutilation to the Beginning of the E-book