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Sarah's Child Abuse Story

Sarah from Spain writes:

My father died when my mother was pregnant with me. My mother left my older brother and me at her mothers and step-fathers and she went to London to find work. Her stepfather had sexually abused my mother and his own 3 daughters and 2 sons. I learned this a few years back and I remembered him doing things to me when I was between ages 4-7, maybe it was much earlier but I don't remember.

Sometimes I have flashbacks, but I�m not sure if it's my imagination or real. I thought about trying hypnosis in the past to find out the truth, but a side of me has always put it off because I think there is worse happening in the world and I should just get on with life.

When I was two, my mother met a wealthy man who liked me a lot. He had no children and I liked him because I had no father and he was nice to me. I spent a lot of time with him, although my mother met someone else; she was always pushing me to keep in touch with him because he had money.

I don't remember any sexual incidents with him, but it is possible. He was always saying how deeply I slept and what pleasure I gave him when I was little. He was from a very "correct" upbringing, He was always touching me and holding me. He was starved for love too. He died recently at 96.

When I was about 3 he used to take me to a couple of friends of his (they were about 50); I remember being there with another little girl 3-4 and he was touching and licking us (Not with anyone else around). Later I went back there a few times and he used to give me money and sweets, up until I was about 8. I never told anyone. My mother was always busy and she would have said it was my fault and he told me not to tell because I would get into trouble.

There were other things happening too. My teacher at the time was also abusing me and I nearly got raped twice but managed to wriggle away, I was 5 and 7. At home my mother worked nights and was always tired and short tempered. Once she hit me really bad with a stick, but worse were the things she said "I wish I could cut you up into little bits and bury you somewhere, were nobody will ever find you again" I didn't remember that till much later when I was 33.

The day before that happened I had been raped by a 25-year-old man that I had a crush on. I only wanted to cuddle and kept saying No, No. Then the next day his girlfriend who was pregnant came and attacked me. Little bits of memories have been emerging throughout my life and I think I have dealt with them but not completely. I have forgiven them and myself but not completely too.

I have a lovely son and my life is always getting better, but I am alone. My relationships never work out for long. I have been more or less alone now for 8 years. I feel that I am lucky though. Things could have been much worse. Part of me wants to know what really happened when I was very little, I don�t know why or if that would help.

My Dear Sarah,

First of all, let me say that I am very pleased that you took the time to share your story with thousands of viewers. After reading your story, I got the impression that it has been very hard for you to recognize abuse. I can also see that it has been difficult for you to open up about your feelings.

According to what you said about hypnosis, �I thought about trying hypnosis in the past to find out the truth, but a side of me has always put it off because I think there is worse happening in the world and I should just get on with life,� I get the idea that you don�t believe that your feelings are important-very common for those who have been abused! However, your feelings are very important and if you feel that hypnosis would be a great tool for uncovering your past, you need to go for it. This isn�t about the rest of the world; this is about what you need to do in order to heal from the past.

The good thing about hypnosis is, it allows you the chance to be in the moment and in touch with your deepest feelings and thoughts. Hypnosis will provide the opportunity to visualize the past without having any distractions. And based on what you were saying in your story, there is a lot of your past that appears blurry to you, which may make it difficult when trying to understand your feelings today. In order for you to move forward and live a healthy, loving life, you need to be fully aware of what has held you back from living the best life possible.

I recommend that you check out a �troubled childhood� hypnosis download first before hiring a hypnotherapist. This will enable you the opportunity to get comfortable with the idea first. However, the good news is, you may feel better just after this hypnosis download-and it�s a lot cheaper than seeing a hypnotherapist. If you do not feel better after this download, I recommend that you search for a professional hypnotherapist. I highly recommend hypnotherapy. When I tried it, I felt at total peace, and I never felt that way before! Both my mind and body were clear and relaxed. I felt like I was in touch with the essence of my soul.

On another note, your �father figure� definitely overstepped his boundaries. �Licking and touching you when no one else was in the room� is not appropriate, healthy behavior. And just so you know, it was not okay for your mother to push you onto him because he had money. Unfortunately, your mother was not aware of the unhealthy message she was sending you. The same thing applies to the verbal outbursts she had with you. The way she talked to you was not thought out and it was inappropriate! She spoke when her emotions were �out of whack� rather than speaking to you logically and lovingly.

Overall, you have had major occurrences happen in your life that do need to be addressed. The fact that you were sexually abused by your teacher, raped by your 25 year-old crush, and then verbally attacked by your mother just a day after the rape tells me how much pain you must be holding inside of you, especially (I'm assuming) since you have never dealt with these issues.

Please read my �Healing from Child Abuse Once and For All� e-book to teach you how to recover from the effects of child abuse in a step-by-step order. The fact that you are having relationship problems tells me that you may have some trust issues, guilt, shame, low self-esteem, and communication problems left over from your child abuse story.

Sarah, you are on your way to healing and I know you can create the life that you are looking for! You have a lot to offer others and I hope that you will make yourself a priority in order to become the best that you can be!

With Love,

Brandy Shirley, M.A.

If you would like to comment on Sarah's story, please post your comment below and I will post the comment on her page. Only encouraging, inspiring, and "been there-understanding" messages are accepted.

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