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Sally, 17, Aus

Jan 28, 2009

It always boils down to respecting yourself!
by: Brandy Shirley, M.A.

Sally,

Thanks for taking the time to post your question..I'm sure there are several women out there who can relate to your story.

Actually, I had a best friend in college who went through the same thing that you are going through right now. After she went through the experience, however, she reflected back on her past one day and said..."I think I had all of those one night stands because I was looking for someone to feel a void in my life."

I'm not exactly sure what's going on in your life right now, but maybe there is a part of you that is scared a boy will not like you for you.

So, in order to compensate for these fears, you allow yourself to get drunk and have sex with random men, instead of going on dates with guys who are actually ready for a relationship. However, this is just an observation on my part, doesn't mean it's true in your experience.

Really, what it all boils down to is learning how to respect yourself enough to stay firm with saying no to unwanted one night stands. Your friend made a valid point about loving yourself.

I recommend that you stay away from the alcohol for awhile until you become clearer on what you want from a relationship and how you want to be treated in these relationships. I believe that you deserve the utmost respect, from yourself and from men, regardless of your appearance.

All my love,

Brandy Shirley, M.A.

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Jan 28, 2009
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Submitted by: Brandy Shirley, M.A.

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Sally, Thanks for taking the time to post your question..I'm sure there are several women out there who can relate to your story. Actually, I had a best friend in college who went through the same thing that you are going through right now. After she went through the experience, however, she reflected back on her past one day and said..."I think I had all of those one night stands because I was looking for someone to feel a void in my life." I'm not exactly sure what's going on in your life right now, but maybe there is a part of you that is scared a boy will not like you for you. So, in order to compensate for these fears, you allow yourself to get drunk and have sex with random men, instead of going on dates with guys who are actually ready for a relationship. However, this is just an observation on my part, doesn't mean it's true in your experience. Really, what it all boils down to is learning how to respect yourself enough to stay firm with saying no to unwanted one night stands. Your friend made a valid point about loving yourself. I recommend that you stay away from the alcohol for awhile until you become clearer on what you want from a relationship and how you want to be treated in these relationships. I believe that you deserve the utmost respect, from yourself and from men, regardless of your appearance. All my love, Brandy Shirley, M.A.

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