| Rachel from Ireland writes: I'm here today as I continue to look for peace within! I was born into a family of alcoholics. My mother & father didn't last long; the games they played with each other had us juggled from home to home and even in an adoption home at one stage as my Mother never returned to get us! In the end we were left with just a Mother who had a terrible drinking problem and who would do ANYTHING to get drink- not buying food, sleeping with anyone and sometimes not even returning home! Because both my parents came from supposedly decent backgrounds, all that happened within a family was to be kept indoors. Due to this, the alcohol issues had to be kept secret so I as I child was to get the brunt of this. To ensure that my Mother looked like a respectable single Mother she made me as a child out to be crazy, sending me to doctors and psychiatrics to cover her own drinking. Eventually she had me locked up in an institution, where Thank God my assessment came back saying that I wasn't crazy. After that I went through various homes and even lived on the street at 13 being bullied, sexually assaulted, taking drugs and so on. Every relationship I was to enter would end up abusive, either mentally or physically, and with no education and no self worth, what more did I know! After all, I reckon that your parents set the standard of love u expect when entering the real world. Luckily out of one relationship my son was born & the love I felt was overwhelming. I just instantly thought that I could not let my son suffer as I did. Within a year, I split from the unhealthy relationship with his father and returned to school to prove to myself and the world that I was not stupid, bad, dirty and all the things I grow up feeling. I began counseling and to this day still attend. I got a place in a University; a place I didn't think people like me went, but I am just about to finish my first year!! I'm still not 100%; I fear a lot, trust little, but I am dedicated to self-development. I have just finished a relationship of which I was allowing myself to be abused again, but this time I listened to the warning signs; I'm sad now but proud! I'm still searching for the love I need to feel for me and I will find it. I use every resource I can and the love for my son always keeps me strong, yet I know that it has to come from within to stop the abuse I do to myself. I haven't spoke with either of my parents in years, last year my Dad died on his own drunk; forgiveness I know is something I must do, and maybe someday I will, but now it hurts and makes me quite angry. Talk has been my biggest asset. Regardless of how bad my issue was; I always felt that once it was out there, it wasn't stuck in here in my heart where it hurt the most. Sometimes I never felt it, just said it and knew that it was half dealt with! With my story, I always try to turn bad into good and if this helps one person out there, then my deed is done for today. | 
