What is the Purpose of Marriage?
Honoring a Committed Partnership in Respect of Self-Development

I read an article not too long ago about a couple who had met on a blind date. Despite the odds of staying together, the couple had remained happily married for nearly 52 years. In shock, the reporter asked them to share the secret behind their success and the husband replied..

I agreed with him when he credited love as the foundation to a happy marriage and I honored the faith he had in God. I also believe that these two things are the glue that holds a marriage together.

Yet, there was one thing that stood out to me and one that I felt deserved a little more investigation or thought. Basically, the part where he said.. "If you always put your mate first in a marriage, the relationship will work.." got me thinking about my own marriage and the reason I created relationship-with-self.com

I started thinking about all the times when I based my happiness on my husband's happiness, and then got to thinking about all the times when I habitually dishonored my needs to focus on his needs.

I remembered the resentment and anger I felt after my needs were not being met. Instead of honoring my feelings, I withheld them from conversation, not because I didn't think my feelings were important, but because I lost awareness of myself. Before I knew it, I was in a miserable state. I was unhappy with myself and unhappy with my marriage.

I have since gotten out of that funk and have realized that I have needs that are just as important as my husbands. Now mind you, it took both my husband and I a long time to realize this..and not only that, it took crippling back pain, a drug addiction, job loss, financial hardship, an emotional affair, a separation, and a miscarriage to realize that you cannot always put your mate's needs first.

You have got to stand up for what you believe in and expect the best that life can offer you. Both you and your spouse deserve 100% in a relationship; you cannot give 100% to your spouse without giving yourself a hundred percent as well.

A good comparison of this 100% explanation is what Dr. Harley with marriagebuilders.com calls the "Love Bank." He pretty much says..in order for a marriage to work, you have to make more deposits than withdraws. If your bank account is overdrawn, you have nothing to give in the relationship and there is nothing for the other person to take. It's a lot like shutting yourself down or "closing the account."

One final observation or thought about the husband's comment about putting your mate first. Maybe, just maybe, he was on to something. If you think about it, when you put your mate first, you learn a lot about yourself. You learn what you want from a relationship; you learn how to love unconditionally; and by committing to your partner, you share your insecurities and fears (either willingly or not so willingly), which allows healing to take place.

All in all, I've come to believe the purpose of marriage presents itself as an opportunity of self-growth and unconditional love. I believe this quote sums it up nicely...