not being able to express myself leaves me silent

by anastasia
(denver co)

i cant remember when it began but i have been shy for as long as i can remember making it hard for me to feel comfortable enough to have a conversation with people. I will literally sit for hours in a room full of people having conversations and not say one word, im activly thinking most of the time but can never find a word to say. I dont have any real close friends and when i talk to the friends i have i often feel so pressured to talk to them i say silly things that make no sense and werent thought out. i have had alot of people avoid me for these same reasons and i dont know what to do. my boyfriend is understanding because he knows ive had a hard past but i see it eventually taking a toll on our relationship.