Need for Approval

Step 3-F from the E-book "Healing from Your Child Abuse Story Once and For All!"

The need for approval is often the biggest struggle for those who have been abused. However, it’s important to realize that you do not need approval from your parents or someone else who abused you in order to be content with yourself.

The longer you allow yourself to exert all of your energy into needing approval, the longer it will take to gain the approval that you really need; approval of yourself! You are the only one that needs to approve of you; you don’t need it from your parents or from the one who abused you in order to be fulfilled.

How to let go of the need for approval:

1. Accept the fact that you do not need the approval of your parents/abuser in order to be happy with your life.

   Yes, I know this is a difficult concept to embrace, but it’s absolutely essential for healing. It’s important to realize that your abuser has a difficult time approving of oneself, and if you expect to get approval from someone that cannot approve of oneself, then one thing that you will be able to rely on is disappointment.

   In other words, you have a choice to accept the fact that you’re okay without the abuser’s approval or to keep counting on being disappointed. And when you choose the latter, you’ll notice that your self-esteem will always be dependent upon how the abuser treats you.

2. Start approving and accepting yourself for who you are.

   You’ll find a whole variety of information about accepting yourself for who you are throughout Relationship-with-Self.com. Once you start approving yourself for who you are, the need for approval will slowly, but surely, dissipate.

3. Understand that you and your parents/abuser will have different perspectives, choose to appreciate that, but don’t make their beliefs and views your own.
   "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt

   Once you separate yourself from your abuser’s words and actions, you’ll no longer associate your well-being to the need of approval. You may have based your self-worth on your abuser’s reactions in the past, but that is no longer the case for you, if you choose it to be.

   The best thing that you can do for your sake and the abuser’s sake is to ignore all insults, all criticisms, and all attacks that are directed toward making you feel bad about yourself.

   And when the time comes that you find yourself getting angry and hurt because your abuser has put you down, remember to tell yourself… “I am not my abuser’s words, and I respect myself enough to no longer allow the abuse to continue.”

   You will need to practice positive self-talk on a regular basis in order to replace all negative thoughts that have developed over time. Shortly, I’ll have an e-book teaching you how to do this. It’s very important that you speak positively to yourself in order to stop the need of approval.

Step 4: Forgiving Yourself and the Ones Who Have Hurt You
Step 4-A: How to Forgive Your Abuser
Step 4-B: How to Forgive Yourself

Return from Need for Approval to the Beginning of the Child Abuse E-book