Monica, 31, Australia

by Monica
(Sydney Australia)

My best friend and I have been friends for 15 years. We've shared a lot of wonderful times and were extremely close all thru our teens and 20's.

However, the last couple of yrs, or since I've met my latest boyfriend I have felt like our friendship has changed. She wouldn't think anything was different as I have remained her rock and more supportive most times than her long term boyfriend of 10 yrs.

I feel she hasn't shown the same love and support back even though she would think in her mind she has. My boyfriend and I have been together nearly 3 yrs, he's American and moved to Australia nearly a year ago.

It has been wonderful having him here. However, there has been lot of pressure as he is still looking for a decent job and it hasn't been easy leaving family behind to start again.

My best friend hasn't really listened. I haven't confided in her b/c if the topic of him comes up she adds something a little negative and not sympathetic to our stressful situation. I guess I feel disappointed and sad that my closest friend can't be happy for me as I'm not sure if it's just she doesn't like him, even though he is a lovely person and everyone else thinks he's great, or that she is jealous b/c after 10 yrs of a steady relationship, her boyfriend hasn't asked her to marry her.

For some reason she is scared that I will beat her to it, or she's jealous that my boyfriend and I are spending time together and I'm not hanging with her. Even though I still see her at least once a week and speak most days, I am definitely not a friend who dumps friends, quite the opposite.

At times I think I put her feelings before my boyfriends and I think that is so terribly wrong and I feel so guilty that I feel so torn at times.

My best friend just had a baby so she is extremely busy, but I still feel the need to be extremely supportive. I wish I didn't feel like I always had to please her, even when I feel she doesn't support me. Really I would like for her to just be happy that I am in love and things are really working out with my boyfriend.

Any advice would be much appreciated...I'm not able to talk to her about this as she is extremely sensitive and defensive and would make matters worse.

Guess I need advice on letting go of guilt and caring what she thinks. And advice on just being the friend I am and not expecting too much, but it's hard when she is my longest dearest friend.

A lot of my other friends have been so gorgeous, which makes it so obvious that she isn't really there for me..only when it comes to my boyfriend though!!

thanks

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