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Submitted by: Brandy Shirley, M.A.

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Hi Monica, Thanks for taking the time to post your question. What you're experiencing is very common among long-term friendships, especially "really close" friendships. This usually occurs when one friend begins spending more time with their significant other, and the other friend doesn't have a significant other or doesn't have a good bond with their significant other. Deep down your friend is probably afraid of losing you as a friend, but instead of communicating this with you, she acts uninterested in anything to do with the relationship between you and your boyfriend...this way she cannot get hurt! It is okay to be supportive of your friend, even when she does not return the favor. However, there will come a time when you'll need to question if you can continue a friendship that is one-sided. Focus your attention on yourself for a while..not on your friend and not on your boyfriend. Discover what you need out of a friendship and assertively communicate this to your friend..do not let her sensitivity or defensiveness stop you. Actually, these traits are often used as a manipulative way to avoid conversation. If you can let her know how you are truly feeling, using the statement "I feel.." she may not get as defensive. However, if you use statements like this.. "You are doing or being this," she will get defensive. If you are happy in your romantic relationship, embrace this! There is no reason to put your happiness on hold while your friend mourns. There is only so much you can offer her. In the end, she is responsible for her happiness, not you! My best, Brandy Shirley

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