Michele, 24, USA

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Michele, 24, USA

I met this guy 4 months ago knowing he was going on military leave for 18 months. I really am interested in this guy and spending time with him before he left was amazing. Although now since he has recently left he has been very guarded of himself.

He does not want me to wait for him and he does not want me to date until he comes home. I really like this guy and want to wait for him. He tells me that he still has feelings for me and we do continue to talk everyday pretty much. I have a feeling that because last time he was on military leave, his girlfriend of a year cheated on him while he was over there and I'm sure its affecting him now being that he does not want to be worried about me and what I'm doing while he is over there. Which I very much understand.

I feel as though if I continue talking to him it will just be a waste of time being that it will be nothing but a dead end being that he says we are not going to be together. And I'm afraid of ending it because he does like me and we still talk? I am very confused as to the right thing to do to get this guy!

I continue to tell him that I want to wait and he just tells me not to because we will never be together. But the whole liking me and wanting to talk is very confusing. He is a good guy and I'm positive he is not using me or anything like that.

Thank you very much for your input!

Hello Michele,

I can understand why you are confused, he is sending you mixed messages.

Although you are very interested in this guy, the interest will only go so far if it's not a two way commitment, and from what you've said, it doesn't sound like he wants to make a commitment. The confusing part is that he doesn't want you to wait for him, but he doesn't want you to date either, and he likes you, but he tells you that the two of you will never be together.

Here is what I recommend that you do...

1.) Discover whether or not you want to continue to invest your time into this relationship.

2.) If you decide that you want to continue talking to him, set your boundaries. Be clear on what you want from a relationship, and if continues to state that he doesn't want to be together, it may be time to move on.

3.) If your primary focus is to "get this guy," you may be unconsciously pushing him away. Since he does not want to make a commitment, I recommend that you make a commitment to yourself first. Put your attention on other relationships and things you enjoy first before putting all of your time and focus on him. Before you know it, the relationship will either end or he'll take more interest.

With Love,

Brandy Shirley, M.A.

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Michele, 24, USA

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