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Marie's Child Abuse Story

Marie from the United Kingdom writes:

When I was 5 my mother died and plus I never met my dad, so I had to move in with my uncle. He was so loving and caring, as of all I was the only child. I was asleep upstairs; I was about 8 years old when this all began.

My uncle came up the stairs and told me there was a fire downstairs that we needed to hurry up quick and he also told me that its better to take all our clothes off just so are clothes didn�t catch on fire. I never thought to think of it, I just thought he was being caring and didn�t want to see me hurt; so I took my clothes off and so did he.

We ran downstairs and there was no fire at all, I didn�t understand what my uncle said; " I no but don�t you want this to happen� and that�s all I could remember. I knew from that day on he raped me; I�m not stupid.

Then when I got to 10 he carried on abusing me and physically I hated every moment of it, until that day I just wanted to end my life once and for all. I took an overdose, which was the most stupid thing that I ever done. My teacher rushed me into the hospital; she was lovely, and when the nurses pulled me together, I told her everything and she helped me through everything. My uncle got 3 years in prison. I no that�s not much; I wish they left him in there to rot, but now I�m 15 and I�m making sure no one can hurt me xx

Hello Marie,

It�s not uncommon for an abusive adult to take advantage of a trusting child, very similar to the ways that your uncle took advantage of you. The comment your uncle made, �" I no but don�t you want this to happen� wasn�t about you, that was all about him. You did not make this happen, your uncle chose to violate you and he had it all planned. What your uncle said sounded very manipulative to me; he wanted to place the blame on you instead of taking responsibility for his own actions.

I can understand why you have your guard up, but do realize that you can be trusting of others while being cautious at the same time; and how you do this is by learning to pay attention to the differences between abusive individuals and respectful individuals.

A way to tell the difference is; an abusive individual fails to respect your emotional, physical, and mental boundaries, whereas, a respectful, non-abusive individual is cautious of his or her words and actions, out of respect of your boundaries and needs. Your uncle was abusive, whereas your teacher was respectful.

In the future, when you are indecisive about how you feel regarding how someone is treating you, pay attention to your gut and emotions. When your boundaries are crossed, your gut will let you know! Hopefully, this will be a great place to start for opening up to others and allowing others into your life, without the fear of being violated or being hurt.

I�m so glad to hear that you were able to tell your teacher about what happened. Be very proud of yourself for taking on such a courageous act. My hope is that you will no longer suffer in silence and you�ll help others grow from your experiences. Take care of yourself and trust your instincts, and you�ll blossom into the woman you�re meant to be!

With Love,

Brandy Shirley, M.A.

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