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liz,41, United States Of America
My husband and I have been together for 21 years. We are having problems. He only has sex with me on an average of about 1 time every one-to-one and a half months. Why doesn't he desire to have sex with me anymore.Am I doing something wrong? This has been going on for about a year,what could be some of the reasons? Dear Liz, Thank you for taking the time to ask this question because I believe there are many people in the same boat as you! There could be many reasons why you and your husband are not having sex as often, yet the only way to tell is to talk to your husband about it. I'm sure you have some ideas as to why the two of you are not having sex as often as you would like; however, maybe you're afraid of what those reasons are. The most common reasons for an unhappy sex life are: 1.) Stress 2.) Lifestyle (i.e., kids, full-time work, chores, financial problems, etc.) 3.) Boredom with sex 4.) Poor communication skills outside of the bedroom 5.) Lack of self-esteem (i.e., don't like the way you look, etc.) In all, it sounds like your husband is the one having some issues with sex; however, this does involve you as well. So, although you are not doing anything wrong, I would advise that the two of you make this a priority and talk about it. I know this can sometimes be an uncomfortable topic; however, sex (more or less the closeness of sex)is a very important topic to discuss in a relationship. Just let him know how you've been feeling and listen to what he has to say. Try not to get defensive or take his comments personally. Hey, for all you know, this is exactly what needs to happen in order for your sex life to improve! I do know, from previous counseling sessions, that men typically do not enjoy sex when they are being criticized or put down by their partner. I hope this helps! My best, Brandy Shirley, M.A. |
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