| |
Joy's Child Abuse Story
| Joy from the United States writes:
Ok...so this all started when I was like 4 or 5. My father would always hit my sister and brother. Then it all started! He started hitting me. It would be for stupid reasons too; for not cleaning my room, for not eating the food, for not following directions. He would hit me to the point that I would bleed.
There are some events that I will never in my life forget! Here is one of the many, I came home one time and didn't listen to my sister, so he came into my room and started beating me, I cried and cried, he said "STOP CRYING FOR I'M GOING TO BURN YOU WITH THIS LAMP." I couldn't stop! So that’s exactly what he did! He burnt my lips with the HOT lamp! Then when he would realize what he had done he would apologize. I would always forgive him! He would always put medication on my face to make it better. He would always make me sleep next to him when he would beat me! I HATED it.
Another time I really can't remember what had done, but I know that he came home and started beating me BAD! To the point that I couldn't breath! I literally thought I was going to die. That’s when my mom came in and saved me. He STOPPED! I was always scared of coming home from school and doing something wrong!
A few years passed (him still beating me!) and came this one day I came home with a D on my report card...he took me into his room, questioned me why, and started beating me with the belt until he got tired! Then he started beating me in the face....my face was destroyed at the moment, I hated him. <(13yrs of age!) Then he finally stopped and he promised that he would NEVER do it again and I forgave him for everything...but deep down inside I was still terrified!!!
This past October of 2007 I took my moms phone without permission and he found out...we were at church! He took the car were I was in and he drove around the place...and started beating me soo hard that I couldn’t take it... he hadn’t noticed that he was hitting me in the face once again....when he was finally done he took me back to the church and I couldn’t feel anything.....he told me "stay in the car or else!!." So I stayed and I "fell asleep" and when my mom came to the car to leave for the house she told me she was knocking on the car window for like 20 mins and I couldn’t hear anything! At that moment I knew I had had a concussion!
When we got home my mom hadn’t noticed anything and I went straight upstairs! I didn’t want her to find out! So my dad called me downstairs were he was sitting and my mom was eating...and then he was crying and he said "I’m sorry for what I’ve done" and that’s when my mom looked up confused and I started crying and that’s when she noticed my face! I had a black and blue eye my face was swollen and I could barley see..... he apologized and for some reason I forgave him AGAIN!! grrr...and then my mom started calling the police and I stopped her!!!! I don’t know why but I did! And I told my mom that I was fine! And he went to the pharmacy to get medication and we all slept together!
Til this day I’m frightened by my dad! And I suffer from anger management! & I hate it! Because I can’t control myself JUST LIKE HIM!...little things set me off! And I start punching walls....I bite myself...I pull my hair....and I start breaking things! IT’S ALLHIS FAULT! I HATE HIM TIL THIS
DAY! I wish he didn’t live with my til this day!! I am recovering but still it haunts me!! Everyday of my life!! IVE EVEN THOUGHT OF SUICIDE AND EVEN ATTEMPTED IT! Hope u all understand me!
God Bless You All!
|
Dear Joy,
You have every right to be angry for what your father has done. And I’m sure it’s been very confusing for you-torn between loving your father and hating his guts! Your father definitely needs some help for his anger problem. However, I’m glad to hear that you are learning how to recover from your anger problem. For further healing, check out my free E-book called “Healing from Your Child Abuse Story Once and For All!”
Another great resource that I recommend is a book called “Loved Back to Life” by A.J. Crowell. This author shares your experience of growing up with a physically abusive father and having to deal with anger problems herself.
On another note, if you have any other suicidal thoughts, please contact
The Suicide Hotline
These are caring people who will help you through those unpleasant thoughts. And there is no reason to take your own life---you have way too much to offer the world! Don’t let your father’s behavior determine how you’re going to feel about yourself.
I want you to become aware of what is the difference between loving and unloving behavior because there was definitely some confusion in your household (..your father beating you, then apologizing, then having you sleep next to him). How your father handled his “own feelings” was in abusive, apologetic manner—in no way was it loving. Unfortunately, your father never learned how to control his temper, and instead of coping with his emotions and life stressors in a healthy way, he acted on impulse and then felt bad about it. Deep down, under all the layers of your father’s hurt, is a man who wants to love you---he just doesn’t know how!
I want you to know that in no way are you responsible for what your father has done. However, you do have control over your own emotions. It’s important that you allow yourself the freedom to ventilate about everything you have held in—that is a natural anger release!
You are going to get through this! Let yourself feel something other than anger and you’ll be on your way to having a better relationship with yourself.
With Love,
Brandy Shirley, M.A.
If you would like to comment on Joy's story, please post your comment below and I will post the comment on her page. Only encouraging, inspiring, and "been there-understanding" messages are accepted.
Other Child Abuse Stories:
Search the Relationship-with-self directory for more child abuse stories...
Would You Like to Share A Child Abuse Story? Click here to share your own and receive free professional advice!
|
