Jessie's Child Abuse Story

Jessie from Australia writes: Well it all started when I was 7 years old. I was staying at my grandma’s house, but she was at work most of the time; so my grandpa took care of me. I thought I could trust him; he always seemed like a normal man, until one night I was sitting down watching T.V. He came and sat next to me and put his hand on my leg; that made me uncomfortable so I took it off. He put his arm around my neck and suddenly pushed me down on the lounge. He took my shirt off and was rubbing my chest; after he did that he removed my pants and touched me. He made me give him a blowjob; I had no idea what that was, I was only 7. He said if I didn't do it he would tell my grandma that I was having sex with him; I thought I would have gotten into trouble if I didn’t do it. My grandma returned home from work just after he finished touching me. I was sitting in the corner crying. She asked me what was wrong and my grandpa told her that I had a nightmare; but he was my nightmare! The next day I had to go with him to Sydney. I really didn't want to, so I asked if I could go back home to my mum; but she was overseas. So I had no choice but to go with him. He said he was going to take me to the zoo, but we didn’t end up going to the zoo, we stayed at a hotel. The hotel only had one bed and he slept naked. I was almost asleep when he started to undress me. I was yelling at him to get off me but he was to strong that night; he raped me, it hurt so much, you have no idea; it was unbearable. I was screaming but no one could hear me. I have never been able to forgive him; he made my life a nightmare. I still have flash backs; I don't think I’ll ever forget it. I am now 13; the only person I have told is my boyfriend, and he tries to help me any way he can, but I don't know if I can trust anyone anymore. I cut my wrist because I don't know how to get rid of the pain. The only person I can open up to is my boyfriend. Thank you for listening to my story. I hope one day I can just forget.

Dear Jessie,

I am so glad that you’ve taken the time to write your story here. First of all, what your grandfather has done is inappropriate. The first step you need to take in order to move forward from this event is to tell your grandmother or school counselor about the rape. It is important that your grandmother know the truth about your grandfather’s behavior. And by no means are you responsible for his actions!

You mentioned that your grandfather said…“He would tell my grandma that I was having sex with him…” this is just a form of manipulation to get you to do what he wants you to. In no way are you going to get into trouble for what he did!

A way to take control over this situation and regain your freedom is to make him responsible for his inappropriate behavior; and the best way to do that is---tell an authority figure about it. Your school counselor is trained in this area, and he or she will know how to help you after you tell this person about the abuse.

The reason you are cutting yourself is because you’ve held your emotions in about this event, and the only way you know how to release the pain is by cutting yourself. However, there are healthier alternatives to releasing your emotions, try writing in a journal and also give counseling a try (i.e, talk to your school counselor about getting into counseling and this person will know how to help or ask your grandmother if she could set a counseling appointment up for you.)

Also, you mentioned that you don’t know if you’ll ever be able to forgive and forget what happened to you. This is totally normal and okay! Forgiveness happens when you’ve felt understood and have gained control back over your life. Take your time with this emotion. You will probably never forget what happened to you; it is now a pivotal moment in your life that will change you. However, you do have control over how you’ll let it change you; it can change you in ways of growing into the person you want to become or it can change you into a person you do not want to become; it’s your choice!

Check out the free “Healing from Your Child Abuse Story Once and For All” e-book for a resource in regaining your freedom and living the life you desire after experiencing abuse. I hope you regain trust for others; the best way to do that is to set up boundaries and trust yourself first! When you trust yourself first, you’ll find friends and authorities who are worthy of your trust!

Jessie, if you need to talk more about this, please contact me; I’m only an e-mail away!

With Love,

If you would like to comment on Jessie's story, please post your comment below and I will post the comment on her page. Only encouraging, inspiring, and "been there-understanding" messages are accepted.

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