Jenna's Child Abuse Story

Jenna from the United States writes: You will always think that this will never happen to a person in your family. But, somewhere down the line it is happening and the only thing you can do is to tell someone. I wasn't so lucky I had the double whammy. It is rough to remember, I don’t remember much, but what I do remember is still a bit terrifying for me. I do remember that all it took was the littlest things to tick off my mother. Things as simple as just getting a snack was what set my mother off the last day I was with her. I believe I was four. When she saw me, she just blew up...I can remember her picking up anything she could get her hands on and hitting me repeatedly with it. But I wasn't the only one she beat; she also beat my stepsister who was just a year younger than I was. I don't remember what she did to her; I was too busy trying to fend for my own self. My older sister told me that my mother had sat on my head, which kind of suffocated me, and knocked me out for a little bit. But when I came to, I was surrounded by the police and other people. My next-door neighbor had called the cops, thanks to my older sister who went over there for help. I have confronted my mother with this story, she confirmed it to be true, but she never told me she was sorry. I believe that she had meant to kill me, not just knock me out. To this day, I still don't like talking to my mother, but I do have to from time to time. If it weren’t for my sister, I’d probably be dead; so I owe my life to her. Then for the next year, my sisters and I went from home to home in foster care. They even split us from our infant sister a few times. We were even abused during those times. Yes, I know it’s hard to believe that a foster family would abuse kids, but they did neglect us a lot. Then after a year, my grandmother adopted all of us. Then we thought we were done. But I guess it wasn't in our future...after about three years of living there my father was sexually molesting me and my older sister. He used the same excuse on both of us..."its either you or your sister", so naturally we thought we were protecting each other. But after about a year of this abuse we finally talked with each other and found out that it was happening to both of us. We talked with our grandmother and worked it out, and my dad swore he wouldn't do it again. And he didn't....for about three years we were safe, then it ended up with the confrontation again...it never worked. For a year we were safe again...then when I was in eighth grade, it was the beginning of the new school year. After a month into the new school year, I was called into the office. My old school principal greeted me; she moved to the high school, and two guys in uniform. I was escorted to the high school to find my sister in the office crying her eyes out. I knew something was wrong but I didn't know it was this bad. We were questioned about my father, as it turned out he had raped her the day before. I was mad, but also sad because this was my sister crying like a baby, and she was the toughest person I knew. So as the year went on we went to court, had counseling; again I might add. But now we are the people we are today. We use our past to help others deal, and cope with the same issues of abuse from their parents. Yes, I have forgiven my family, and my father; but it’s the ridicule that is hard to deal with. Part of my family still believes that it’s our fault for breaking up the family; when really we were just the victims.

Hello Jenna,

Thank you for taking the time to share your story. There are a few issues that I want to address. First of all, you were very brave to approach your mother about the abuse and I wanted to commend you for that. It’s especially hard when a parent refuses to acknowledge that his or her behavior was inappropriate, and it’s definitely not uncommon for a parent to not apologize about his or her wrongdoings.

You are handling the relationship you have with your mother appropriately. It’s good to separate yourself from parents who have been abusive, especially if this person has failed to apologize for the abuse.

I know it’s tough to separate yourself totally from your mother, but during the times when you have to associate with her, it will be a good idea to stay true to yourself and your boundaries.

As soon as your mother violates your well-being, you’ll either need to leave the situation or practice appropriate communication and self-confidence skills to deal with her abuse.

As for the other issue I wanted to discuss, I believe may be the hardest to deal with. The fact that your family continues to blame you and your sister about breaking the family up is probably a very difficult burden to carry. It is important to not take their comments personal and it’s equally important to apply the same tools to these family members, as you will with your mother.

It sounds to me that these family members have failed to recognize the difference between inappropriate and appropriate boundaries; however, the difference between you and your family is, you’ve gained some insight into what’s wrong and what’s right. I truly hope that you know deep down that it wasn’t either you or your sister’s fault for the abuse, if anything; you have saved the family from a pattern of abuse.

Hang in there and continue helping as many people as you can; just don’t forget about taking care of yourself in the process!

With Love,

If you would like to comment on Jenna's story, please post your comment below and I will post the comment on her page. Only encouraging, inspiring, and "been there-understanding" messages are accepted.

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