Is Vulnerability Worth Knocking Down My Wall?!

by Beth M.
(New York )

So basically my entire life has been one struggle after the other it started with my weight and being teased about it all the time. Then i was diagnosed with type 1 juvenile diabetes which has been a battle to handle everyday for the past six long and grueling years.

And for some reason friendships have constantly fallen apart year after year and I'm just plain tired of the emotional drain. I had a best friend for about 4 years and then she got a boyfriend and started completely ditching me and making excuses for why she couldn't make time for me.

So i ended the friendship because if she couldn't make time for her supposed best friend than why should i be rejected. Then it took me a couple months to get close friends but i finally did with these two girls. But the problem is that when i was with one girl she would be an awesome friend and I loved her dearly but if it were the three of us the two girls would constantly crack jokes that really hurt my feelings.

That fine line between hurtful and humorous was crossed almost every single day. And I'm the type of person who learns from the past and what never really happened with my original best friend for four years was a lack of communication and so with these two girls i really tried to talk to them about how they were hurting my feelings with their rough jokes.

They would be nice for a couple of days and then return back to harsh humor. It got so bad that on my way home from school my younger brother even had to defend me. So i just took myself out of the equation because I could only be the bud of people's jokes for so long. But now that the summer is coming to a close and I'll be seeing them commuting back and forth to school and home not to mention at school I don't know whether to let them back into my life or not.

One girl apologized for being mean which i appreciated very much but I just don't know whether to let my guard down again or not. Is vulnerability worth knocking down my wall?!
Thanks so much in advance,
Beth (=