How to Say No to Denial and Blame..

Step 2-B from "Healing from Your Child Abuse Story Once and For All!"

Learning how to say no to denial and blame often takes on an art form all of its own. Sometimes a person can go his or her entire life not realizing that deep down he or she is in denial about what happened in the past, and when one does have a glimmer of the abuse, he or she will automatically blame it on the one who hurt them or will blame it on themselves in some way.

According to the Webster’s Dictionary, denial is defined as “Refusal to acknowledge the truth of a statement,” and blame is defined as “To hold someone guilty for something; to find fault.”

Both of these definitions indicate when a person is in denial or uses blame, he or she is refusing to take “healthy” responsibility for their own thoughts and feelings.

Instead of saying no to denial and blame, one will choose to use these emotions as armor and protection from getting hurt again. However, the irony of this is, the more one holds onto denial and blame, the more he or she will suffer.

On the other hand, when a person learns to say no to these emotions, he or she will automatically regain a sense of freedom and fulfillment; the hard part is learning how to say no to denial and blame!

The good news is; you can learn how!

How to Say No to Denial:

1. Accept the fact that your abusive past is and will always be a part of who you are. However, instead of viewing this past as something negative, look to what you can do to make it positive. When someone views an unpleasant event as a negative and damaging occurrence, this person typically struggles with facing the event.

   However, when one views the changing event as a chance to grow into the person he or she wants to become, the ability to deal with the situation typically becomes easier.

2. When a person chooses to deny the past, that usually means the person isn’t ready to handle the emotions that come along with facing his or her fears of the past.

   This is normal and okay! Allow this until you don’t want to anymore. When you are ready to acknowledge the past and all the emotions that come along with it, then you have learned how to say no to denial and you are ready for a new lifestyle; a life full of self love and peace!

3. Learn all about yourself; your needs, your wants, your goals, your passions, and so forth in order to stop the denial. I was in denial for many years about the fact that my father was the best father in the world, until I realized that he didn’t even know who I was.

   So… when I started learning more about myself and what I needed from my father, I opened up and faced my biggest fears; I asked questions that I’ve avoided asking him for the majority of my life. Long story short, I would have never faced this denial if I didn't know the importance of self-respect.

   Instead, I have faced my truth and stopped pretending, and I have to say it was one of the hardest things I have ever done, but I do not regret it what so ever!

How to Say No to Blame:

1. Blame is often an excuse to not change your current circumstances. How you say no to blame is by making a conscious choice to begin taking responsibility for your thoughts, feelings, and actions. You are the one in control of your life now; not the abuser!
2. The longer you blame your abuser, the longer it will take to feel like you have “healthy” control over your own life. Healthy control is when you are aware of all the choices you make, good and bad; and healthy control is about using your choices to help yourself and others. When you’re too busy blaming others for the way you feel about yourself, you miss out on many opportunities to help improve your self-esteem.
3. Know that blaming the abuser, and others for that matter, is a waste of precious energy. Save your energy for something positive like helping other people, reading inspiring material, taking a walk, or talking to a trusted friend or family member.
4. How to say no to blame is to stop blaming yourself for the past! Understand that you did not have any control over what happened to you.

   However, you do have control over your life now. The best way to regain the control you lost as a child is to regain it back today by talking better to yourself, avoiding all criticisms, and avoiding all "what if’s," "should haves," "could haves," and "would haves." It’s too late to do anything about the past, but it’s never to late to begin having a better relationship with yourself, and it's never too late to learn how to say no to unhealthy emotions like denial and blame.

You have just read Step 2-B: How to Say No to Denial and Blame from Step 2 of Coping with Emotions from the e-book "Healing from Your Child Abuse Story Once and For All." Below you'll find the continuation of Step 2..

Step 2-C: How to Deal with the Guilt and Shame Left Over from Your Child Abuse Story.
Step 2-D: How to End the Cycle of Self-Mutilation
Step 2-E: How to End the Cycle of Suicidal Intentions

Return from How to Say No to Denial and Blame to the Beginning of the E-book.