How to Forgive Others-Understanding Why it's Hard to Forgive the Ones Who Have Hurt Us!Step 4-A from the E-book, "Healing from Your Child Abuse Story Once and For All!"It’s often very difficult knowing how to forgive the ones who have hurt us. However, it’s important to realize that forgiving the abuser doesn’t mean that your justifying his or her actions. What forgiveness means is, “I will not allow the abuse to go with me into my adult life. I will no longer let the abuser's actions control me, so for that, I have chosen to forgive my abuser!” Forgiving someone is a very vulnerable thing to do, which is the reason many people fail to forgive. As a matter of fact, the one hurt often believes that not giving forgiveness is the only thing that he or she can do in order to gain “control” over the abuse. So, instead of forgiving the abuser, the one hurt holds onto the abuse for years before he or she will even consider forgiving the abuser. Fortunately, I understand the difficulty in forgiving an abuser, especially when the abuser continues to either put you down with his or her words and actions. However, in order to learn how to forgive, it's important to realize that as long as you allow the abuser's words and actions to hurt you, you will always hold onto anger and resentment, making it difficult to forgive those who have hurt you. Below you'll find two tips for overcoming this difficulty: Seeing the Beauty of Forgiveness: The beauty of forgiveness is, it sets you and the abuser free! And that’s the best gift of love you could ever give yourself and another human being, especially a human being who has hurt you. Also, the beauty of forgiveness is, you can do it even when the abuser isn’t aware of it. You don’t have to tell the abuser that you’ve forgiven him or her. As a matter of fact, it’s not about the abuser, it’s about you and what you need to do in order to feel better about yourself. Letting go of the need of..."I will not forgive until I get an apology!" This isn’t uncommon, as a matter of fact, it’s the biggest reason why people choose not to forgive. It’s easy to believe that the only way to forgive someone is to have the person who hurt you approach you first with an apology; however, more often than not, this doesn't happen. The abuser often has a difficult time recognizing what he or she has done, leaving the responsibility of forgiveness up to you. Unfortunately, you may find yourself waiting a long time before you get an apology from the one who hurt you. So, why not take action yourself and choose to forgive, regardless of whether or not the abuser acknowledges his or her behavior. As I said before, "forgiveness isn’t about the other person, it’s about you." You do not have to have the other person involved in your forgiveness. After following these main tips and you're still having a hard time knowing how to forgive, follow the tips below... How to forgive the ones who have hurt you: Although forgiving is definitely beneficial for both parities, my main concern is helping you move forward from the abuse. That’s why the focus is on you. Follow the tips I’ve given you throughout this e-book (beginning with first step) and you’ll be on your way to forgiving the ones who have hurt you. And here are a few more tips to keep in mind: Forgiveness takes time. You need to go at your own pace. Only forgive when you feel it’s the best thing for you. Don’t forgive just to please the other person or another family member. I highly believe in the importance of ventilating your feelings in a healthy manner. If you keep your feelings in, all you’ll gain is anger, resentment, and hate. So, find a place and time to ventilate your feelings.
Step 4-B:How to forgive yourself
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