Friendship Issue

by Penny Thompson
(Yakima, WA)

I have a girlfriend who I have been friends with since high school (20 plus years) and within the last couple of years issues have arisen that have caused me to consider her an acquaintance rather than my best friend.

She has two kids plus works full time and I have a child and work full time as well. I used to email her every day but that stopped when I started hearing from her once a week or longer. Every time I asked to see if her and I could get together for coffee or something she would always find a reason not to so eventually I stopped asking. Why beat a dead horse right?

So in June of last year she asked me to help her for a couple of days which I did and took a day off when I really couldn't afford to do it. After that I didn't hear from her hardly at all except for right before my daughter's birthday party on December 6th.

Then I didn't see her again until December 23rd. Our kids exchanged gifts and we told her if they didn't have anything planned for New Years day we could get together and watch football and have some food. Well we heard nothing and then the day after New Years I found out on Facebook she had a bunch of people over for football and food and didn't invite us or anything and I was really pissed off about it.

She treats me like a friend of convenience when it suits her needs and never mine and I got fed up enough with it this time that I blocked her from all my emails.

Her son's birthday party was at the end of January but she didn't tell us what the plan was or what was going on with it, and we didn't get an invitation and I feel since she is the mom she should've let us know about it and she didn't so I feel she has no reason to get upset about us not getting her son a gift if we were not included or told about the party to begin with.

We're in no way related to her so it's not like we are obligated to attend or give her son a gift. And then once again I find out about her "plans" on Facebook and that hurt me too. I shouldn't have to ask 100 times what the plans are for her own son's party. THat is her responsibility as a mother to let people know and she didn't.

My life is very busy but I always make time for my friends and she doesn't come close to doing that for me. So many times I have been there for her when she has needed me in emergency situations and I know she would not be there for me.

I have another girlfriend who is going through a similar situation with a friend of hers and she and I support each other and that is what I need. If my so called "friend" wanted to contact me she could and she won't and hasn't so I stopped beating myself up about it and started phasing her out of my life (blocking my email pages etc).

If I wrote her a letter it would not be a nice one and it is better for me to fade away from her than to get into some fight that makes no sense. I have to do what is healthy for me and I feel I have done the right thing. The way she has treated me has gone on for too long and I am tired of these little "junior high school" games with her.

My other girlfriend gives me what I need in a friendship and I feel so good when I talk to her. Do you think fading away completely from this unhealthy relationship would be better than writing a nasty letter?