ended friendship over a old love

by Mystic
(u.s.a.)

It's always been the three off us. Over the years at times one of us has been left out at times. We've all felt it at one point.

We are all 30 years old now. People were always amazed of how we all stayed friends so long, then two months ago the friendship ended.

A bit of backgroud.

D-she got pregant, the baby came early (she is healthy and fine now at a grade school age) at that time they grew to love each other and married, they both make good money and seem to have the 'cookie cutter life' except D feels her husband doesn't have a sparkle in his eye for her, she doesn't feel special, not like that first boyfriend had made her feel, who some how comes back around after 12 years and feel's the same way. They begin to talk on the phone, computer, and if the chance comes that she can go out with the girls, she try's her all to find him and just happen to meet. She later tells me she gave him no hope of every getting together, yet from the site of them together..... she wasn't giving a 'just friend impression'

C- 3 different children by 3 different men, first prego at 18. Between children a abortion. After the thrid kid she figured she settle and marry... why not?! This is as good as it's gonna get. It was a love/hate relationship, tit for tat. Last year on a girl outting to a festival of live music and drinking she ran across her first boyfriend. The passion ran wild. Lies began to run to town and the head laid on the pillow for each one night. Well the husband found a phone bill..... and the gates of madness opened. She hated she got caught, but still doesn't care. She knows after the boyfriends unsudden death and no work on her marriage, she wants to work things out with her raging husband, since he wants her out of the house.

Me- Meet my husband a year after I graduated high school, dated 2 years, married for 4 years, then had a child, and 2 years later had another. Yet, my husband had a hard past life before me, and he found the way to escape was to drink, as our family grew with a home and children, his stress did to, and the relationship broke, neither of us wanted it, but that's the only way I could see sanity coming back to myself and our young children. He's now in a rehab community and we talk weekly, and still have passion between us, just don't know how to get it back, with out other's looking badly at myself for taking him back. (another problem all together)

SO.... one night I went out with a totally seperate friend from these two. I ran across D's old boyfriend, we where drunk and hung out talking and drinking a few more. We kissed, we touched. We both said how we didn't want D to know, didn't want to hurt her feelings. Even though he asked me to come back to his place, I said I couldn't. The next day, I had a mark on my neck. C. asked where I got it, and they both believed that D's old boyfriend was the one. I didn't want to tell the truth, I lied for about 12 hours, and then I wrote it in a email to both of them. That we had kissed, that she shouldn't be mad, she had a husband and the boyfriend wasn't hers' to claim, I said it hars, and told them both I was disappointed in them in their relationship's with their husbands and to get over what I as a single woman had done. I also said that what I and the old boyfriend had done wasn't to hurt anyone, it was to fulfill our own selfish wants and not to feel alone for a night, and being drunk made us think of only ourselves.

Since then D. says she forgives me, but can't go back to the old friend we were, cause she knows now how I really feel about her. That she needs to be around people in her life that love and support her. C. still is struggling with her marriage, and her and her husband tug and war with friends, and trying to get them in the middle of it, I've backed off.

I understand my once friends are mad, yet now they go out, and don't call me, they totally don't say anything to me on the computer, they have shut me out totally.

At this point in my life I have never felt so alone. I long for my husband to be in my life, but doubt if it will be what I think, I sit at work with no support from co-workers (the only other woman in the office is having a affair as well) I go to work and go home with my kids, I'm losing my hope......

Any advice you could give I'd greatly apprieate.

Oh I have also through e-mails said that I am sorry to D. that I hurt her.