emm, 35, london

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emm, 35, london

by emm
(london)

Hi, my partner has just walked out on me, because I own the house we live in. He has kids and wants some security for them. I am paying the mortgage and he pays me money each month.

I have a daughter from a previous relationship. I am doing this for a better future for us all, he thinks I am trying to ripe him off. I love him so much. I bottle up so much stress that I took my frustration out on him.

He returned back to the house to pick up stuff then goes off for 2 days. I don't know how to get him to see I am sorry and willing to talk.

I can't eat or sleep, I have no close friends near me. He is a Scorpio male. Help me thank you.

He did tell me 2 days ago he loves me that's why he has not gone.

Emm,

Thanks for taking the time to post your question. There are a few things going on here so let me address one thing at a time.

You said that your partner left you because you are the owner of the house. In my opinion, I believe there is much more to this than just you owning the house. It sounds like he may not feel like an "equal" partner in this relationship, and because of this, he may feel that finding his own place will give him the security or "equality" he's looking for.

The other issue I'm seeing is:

A lack of communication between the two of you. The fact that you said, "I bottle up so much stress that I took my frustration out on him," tells me that there is actually much more going on than you're allowing yourself to admit.

Learning how to communicate your feelings in a healthy, assertive way says that you respect him and you respect your feelings as well. When you get into the habit of assertively communicating, you will no longer "blow up" and your relationship will dramatically improve.

In order to get him to listen to what you have to say start off by saying something like this..

"I am sorry that you having second thoughts about living in my home, but I want you to know that I love you, and my home is your home. I want you to know that if you need to talk about anything that I am open to listening."

Once you offer your listening ear, do not interrupt him and do not make judgment on his decisions. Try not to take his comments personally and allow yourself to learn from this experience.

In all, the two of you will figure this out, as long as you communicate, otherwise, it will always feel like there is an unresolved issue heavily weighing you down.

My best,

Brandy Shirley, M.A.

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emm, 35, london

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