Taming the Control Freak in You

Step 7-A from the E-book, "Healing from Your Child Abuse Story Once and For All!"

The control freak is in every one of us, some more than others! However, if you have been abused as child, chances are, your need for control is “more than likely” greater than it is for someone who wasn’t abused.

In a way, trying to control one’s environment is a way to feel “safe” in an “unsafe” world, in the eyes of an abused child!

I understand the need for control based on my own personal experience. As a matter of fact, I believe growing up in an environment where I wasn’t unconditionally loved brought out the control freak in me! I thought that if I were in control of everything in my life, I wouldn’t be let down.

However, controlling everything does not keep you from experiencing let down and disappointment, ironically quite the opposite happens; you experience more let down and frustration because you are not allowing yourself to trust the universe or yourself.

The need for control equals anxiety, worry, doubt, and fear! And believe me, I am all too familiar with those feelings! “Unhealthy” control does not bring you stability or peace, but it does provide what you are trying to avoid—chaos and uncertainty!

Now…one doesn’t have to give up complete control in order to heal from abuse. As a matter of fact, having “healthy” control over your life is a good thing. So, in order for you to move forward I believe it’s important to recognize the differences between unhealthy and healthy control.

Letting go of the control freak-Recognizing what is unhealthy control:

1. You cannot enjoy your day because you are overwhelmed and preoccupied with “everything that has to be done today!”


2. You do not feel fulfilled.


3. Your relationships are suffering because of your need for control.

4. You are unhappy.
5. You become resentful and angry when you cannot escape your “own” expectations.

Healthy Control Signs:

1. You set goals for the day and are able to enjoy yourself even if you were unable to meet all of your goals.


2. You feel fulfilled.


3. Your relationships are based on mutual understanding and respect. You know that you cannot control another person and you communicate this on a regular basis.


4. You are happy.


5. You do not hold any resentment or anger toward yourself or others because your expectations are not to high.

I have come across a wonderful book called The Control Freak’s Guide to Living Lightly: Manifesting a Life of Total Trust” by Gail Barker and Gail Nielsen.

This book will teach you everything you need to know about letting go of the need to control. It first explains what it means to be a control freak, then the authors quiz you to find out whether or not control is a problem for you, and then you’ll find detailed exercises at the end of each chapter to help ease the control freak in you.

You’ll also find great stories and helpful insights all throughout the book. In chapter 3, you’ll uncover why the need for control has gotten out of hand.

And in the remaining chapters, you’ll find great tips on how to turn the “unhealthy control” into “healthy control!” That is, after reading this book, you’ll be “lighter” with your need for control and happier with yourself! You’ll learn how to build more trust, energy, confidence, love, compassion, forgiveness, gratitude, time, beauty, and fun!

If you are interested in checking this book out click here for the details.

Step 7-B: Healthy Coping Skill
Step 7-C: How to change your low self-esteem into a genuine, humble love for yourself
Step 7-D: How to choose better relationships

Return from Control Freak to the Beginning of the E-book