Blocked out Best Friend and Trust Situation

by Anna

Well, a few months ago, I got mad at my best friend because he started to insult me, made me feel like as if though I have to lie to him, and he didn't consider my opinion at all. And when I had major surgery, he never told me good luck or even called me afterward.

I was supposed to be gone for two weeks, but I ended up having to be gone for a month. You see, I'm disabled, and having this surgery was the biggest decision I ever had to make. He has helped me in so many ways, and to see him act so cold toward me was shocking. And when he started dating a girl that called me something horrible, I was infuriated.

And the way my friend told me that he was dating her made it sound as if though he wasn't going to tell me. Before that, the only time when he told me he dated people was when we were fighting before all of this. All I thought was, doesn't he trust me? I mean, I know I make mistakes, and there's no doubt I feel regret toward them. But I thought he trusted me more than that.

We've been friends for almost eight years now. Anyhow, after I got mad, I wrote a letter to him telling how angry and disappointed I was in him. We made up, but I still feel a lot of anger. I think it is because I forgave him too soon. It only took one day before I gave into him. I'm always the first one to apologize. I'm tired of it.

He has made me feel like a rotten friend, broke my tortured heart into millions of pieces, and he has the nerve to think that I fully forgive him? Yeah, right. He said he would make it up to me, but that was two months ago! And now, he doesn't talk to me as much (probably because we're in school and he hates it when he's there)( and he talks to my other friend right in front of me for ten minutes before he even notices I exist), and that's the only time I see him anymore.

But the one thing above all is that I feel as though I have to be happy all the time when I'm around him because he likes it when I'm happy. And now I find myself completely lost and confused and talking to myself for comfort because how can I tell him all of this when I have to always be "happy" or "fine" or whatever it is that is remotely similar to that?

Please help me. How can I tell him this truthfully without writing a letter to him? How can I get my trust back with him?

I just want my friend back. But I don't want him mad at me.

P.S. He never got me a Christmas gift either!