bio mom not my real mom

by barb
(new york)

my story is different because when I was born my mother who was 20 and 9 months old was jealous of me because she was not the little girl anymore.(she always brought up this information in front of everyone.)
apparently before i was born my father who was 25 at the time of my birth used to have pet names for my mother, such as little girl, etc.
then when the real little girl was born (I had nothing to do with this) he stopped calling her those pet names.
anyways, they moved in with his parents and sibling when i was about 4 months old. My aunts and grandmother helped in my care so I became very close to them as she continued to have more kids.

when i was 2.5 years old, they moved across the field into the new house my father and grandfather had built. when i moved into the new house i was unhappy and afraid of the noises, i kept saying i want to go home.
so after a couple of nights my father brought me back to my grandparents where i stayed until i was 4.5 years old.
my grandmother treated me for was i was a child, she was a little strict but i knew she loved me. and somehow I sensed that my mother did not even like me. anyways that Christmas i moved back to the new house, where i had 3 siblings.
my mother expected me to be a big girl and helper, I did not know how to do this and i was the baby at my grandma s house and i resented her treatment of me. she was very abusive to me in that she yelled and slapped me more than necessary.
I don't know why or how but i as a little child sensed her dislike of me and I never really bonded to her as my mother.
this rift has continued up until now and i am turning 62 next month.