Anger Management Skill:

Has Your Loved One Lost it?

I witnessed my husband lacking anger management skill recently. Actually, I was quite surprised at his inability to control this emotion.

I was peacefully asleep until I heard a loud "F%*@!" I thought I was dreaming at first. So, I laid there wondering if I was hallucinating then heard a loud "BAM" and started too wonder what in the world was going on. (And I kind of blurted out my own profanities.) I guess you could say that I was unhappy that he woke me up and almost gave me a heart attack.

I left my bedroom to find my husband pacing the hallway saying, "I don't know what to do with my anger!"

He had been working on a paper for a few days and was continually having problems getting the pictures aligned just right. He then said, "I broke your stapler and there is a dent in the wall."

I have to say that I have never seen him act that way before! So, I just stood there not knowing what to do.

The irony of this is, I help clients deal with their anger on a consistent basis. But, it was a quite different experience witnessing the person that I love, act irrational and irate.

However, as time went on, my heart stopped pounding and I got myself back together. And I'll explain to you how I handled this situation.

Tips for Anger Management Skill for the Loved Ones of an Angry Family Member, Friend, or Significant Other:

• Stay Calm! This is the most important tip I can give you. If you start acting just as irate as your loved one, the problem will escalate into a huge blown out fight.
• Listen! Usually, the angry person will work the problem out on his or her own. Don't take their anger personally and just let them vent. However, if their behavior escalates to violence it's time to leave. But, typically when you listen, their anger will lessen.
• Let Them Know How Their Anger Made You Feel Wait until the person has calmed down before you let them know how you feel. Your loved one needs to know how their behavior affects you. Because he or she may not realize the effects of their anger.

After I stayed calm and listened to my husband's "madness," he started to calm down himself and returned to his paper. The next day I was able to let him know how his anger made me feel without either of us blowing up about it.

My husband and I do not have any children. So, I'm not exactly sure how I would have handled the situation if our kids were around. However, I do know, it's important to stay calm. If my husband would have acted this way in front of our children, it would have been important for him to explain the reason for his anger to our children.

If your loved one struggles with controlling his or her anger on a regular basis, it's important for them to get professional help before it gets out of hand.

As for your own anger management skill, learn all you can about controlling this emotion. Check out healthy coping skills for further advice.

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