Relationship-with-Self Newsletter: Issue 005

May 16th, 2008

Hello All,

Creating a loving relationship with yourself is an ongoing process of failures, setbacks, success, happiness, sadness, and so much more. However, I am here to help you through your journey of life by providing the necessary tips for living a life full of love, acceptance, and understanding rather than a life full of fear, negativity, and disappointments. I hope you enjoy today's newsletter and please drop me a line with your comments, suggestions, or appreciation. I would love to hear from you!

All the best,

Brandy Shirley, M.A.

In this issue..

Humor: Smartass Responses to Get you to Crack a Smile :)
Inspiration: Inspirational Quotes to Lighten Up your Day!
A Loving Tip: Making Effective Decisions!
Questions/Answers: Do you have a question or concern about your life or about this site? Share your questions with others.
Freebies: Relationship-with-Self Journal and a Free E-book called "The Power of Frustration."
Recommended Resources: Public speaking and social anxiety tools.
New Relationship-with-Self Information: Check out all the new articles added this month.
Upcoming Information: Relationship-with-Self e-books and new articles.

Humor

Top 6 Smartass Answers

SMARTASS ANSWER #6 It was mealtime during a flight on Hooters Airline. "Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked John, seated in front. "What are my choices?" John asked. "Yes or no," she replied.

SMARTASS ANSWER #5 A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat, she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub."

SMARTASS ANSWER #4 A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

SMARTASS ANSWER #3 The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

SMARTASS ANSWER #2 A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, " Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."

SMARTASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2006 A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."

Inspiration

"Life isn't about finding yourself, life is about creating yourself!" Author Unknown

"It is easier to be wise for others than it is for ourselves." Francois De La Rochefoucauld

"Most of the shadows of this life are caused by our standing in our own shadow." Ralph Waldo Emerson

A Loving Tip--How to Make Effective Decisons for Yourself!

The other day I found myself in a dilemma; I wanted to apply for a new position at work, yet I also didn’t want to apply for the position. I thought that this job would be the perfect opportunity to move up the “corporal ladder” and gain experience that I needed; however, for some reason, I kept second-guessing myself about applying for the position.

I always dislike these kinds of circumstances where you don’t know what to choose. So, I always turn within to find the answers I’m looking for, and every time I do this, I am never disappointed. However, there are also those times when I think to myself, “Did I make the right decision?” Unfortunately, regardless of how often one trusts themselves, there are always those doubts about what’s best for you or perhaps you and your family.

Decisions are never easy, yet I have found an excellent way to help myself make appropriate decisions, and hopefully you’ll find this beneficial as well. Here is a chart I’ve come up with in order to help me understand if I’m making the right decision..

Oh, and by the way, I chose not to take that position, and I couldn't feel better, thanks to this chart!

A Decision Making Chart: Choosing what’s Best for You!

The decision feels right
• This is when the decision is right for you and when it's right you usually know it!
• If you find yourself questioning this decision after you feel good about it, then make a decision based on your concluding feelings. If you follow what’s right for you, you’ll find yourself fulfilled and happy about yourself!

Other feelings you’ll have after making the right decision:

Peace, happiness, contentment, joy, confidence, relaxation, freedom, and abundance!

The decision feels okay
• This means the event or idea that triggers your decision doesn’t call to your soul as it would if the decision was the right decision!
• Do not make a decision until you know for sure if you feel good or bad about it. If you make a decision based on “okay,” the consequence of that decision is you’ll struggle more with the decision than you would have if you chose to wait until you knew for sure.

Other feelings you’ll have when the decision feels okay:

Boredom, no passion, carefree

Doubtful about the decision
• If you are doubtful, this means it's probably the wrong decision for you at this time. (i.e., You chose to take on a new position in another state even after you doubted it. After you made your decision, you found out that the job you “loved” opened up the same exact position that led you to another state.)

Other feelings you’ll have when you’re doubtful about the situation:

Confused, conflicted, stressed

The decision feels bad
• If the decision feels bad, then stay away from making this decision; you may regret it later! (i.e., You chose to get married when you had a bad feeling about it and now you’re miserable)
• The good news is; bad decisions can sometimes be good decisions in the long run; however, it may just take longer to get there than it would have if you followed your gut! I have kicked myself in the ass so many times after I made a decision based on it feeling bad. Every time I’ve made a decision based on it feeling bad, I’ve been disappointed, hurt, frustrated, exhausted, and resentful; however, it's only that way until I make another decision based on it "feeling good!"

Other feelings you’ll have after making a decision based on it feeling bad:

Frustration, unhappiness, anger, sadness

Other people are choosing your decisions
• If other people are choosing your decisions, you'll know this because you’ll find yourself doubting your own feelings and beliefs.
• When this happens, do not make a decision until you know for sure what’s best for you; do not let another person determine your decisions.
• Of course, sometimes others do have excellent advice about what decision to make, but in the end, it isn’t up to them to make your decisions. Take into account of what others have to say, but don’t let that determine your destiny!

Other feelings you’ll have when others are making your decisions:

Resentment, rebellious, argumentative

Questions/Answers

Please read the privacy policy for any reassurance you may need for confidentiality.

Also, please let me know what you think of the newsetter. Let me know what you would like to see and/or what you like/dislike about it.

Freebies

Also, Catherine Pratt, a confidence expert, has a e-book available on how to appropriately deal with frustrations. You can find a free copy of it here.

Recommended Resources

I am a big fan of hypnosis! There has never been anything in my life that has made me feel at more peace than being hypnotized. When I was taking a hypnosis class at a local college, the instructor had me sit in front of the class. Although I would usually be embarrassed, this time I was so relaxed that it didn't matter what everyone else thought of me.

Below is an article provided by Mark Tyrrell from Hypnosisdownloads.com about how to conquer public speaking through hypnosis. I highly recommend trying hypnosis to help ease your public fear and social anxiety.

7 Public Speaking Survival Tips

I used to be terrified of public speaking - now it's natural and fun.

Dry mouth, fast heart, sweaty palms, blank mind - yeah I've been there! It's easy to fear public speaking. But I was never just content with overcoming fear. I wanted to be a great speaker. What I needed was a way of calming down and applying simple techniques and strategies to talk like a pro.

When I'd learned to relax (more of that later) I learned and applied the following four steps.

1. Reassure your audience - they need to know you know your stuff and you are human!
2. Hook them by being interesting and relevant. Tell them why what you are saying is relevant to them.
3. Inspire them by giving them information and ways of seeing that are new and applicable.
4. Leave them on a high by telling a story them encapsulates your central message.

How do you become confident enough to apply the four steps?

Here's some tips some of which are practical some of which are to do with the way you think about your public presentations and also how you can start to change the way you feel about them.

Tip One

Breath your way to calm. When you breath out you relax that's why people sigh when they're stressed.

Breathing in without breathing out causes hyperventilation and worsens anxiety. Just before your speech take five minutes breathing in to the count of seven and out to the count of eleven (quick count-not seconds!). On the out breath hold it a second before breathing in again. This will produce quick and lasting calm. Remember extending the out breath calms you down.

Tip Two

You have a responsibility as the presenter but relax you don't carry all the responsibility. Presenting is a team effort. Audiences are responsible for politeness, extending their attention and attempting to learn. It's not all you-it's a meeting of two halves. Never mind how they judge you. How do you judge them?

Tip Three

Use metaphor and stories. We all experience life metaphorically. The most technical logical person spends at least two hours a night dreaming! Talk detail if necessary but present patterns with metaphors. Folk from 4 to 104 love stories. Use em.

Tip four

Captivate attention by using words that evoke all the senses. Describe how things look, sound, feel, smell and taste. Paint pictures and sensations in their minds with your words.

Tip Five

Vary your voice tonality and speed of delivery. Keep them alert and engaged. Convey energy when need be and slow down when you need to 'draw them in close.' You are the conductor to their orchestra. And pepper your talk with humour. Your willingness to be funny shows personal confidence and confidence is contagious.

Tip Six

Tell them what they are going to get. What they are currently getting and then what they have got from you. Sell your sizzle!

Tip Seven

Watch and learn from other great speakers until compelling, relaxed speaking is a part of you.

Rehearse positively. You need to rehearse how your going to feel as well as what you are going to present. Don't think about your forthcoming presentation whilst feeling nervous as this creates an instinctive association between fear and presenting. This natural negative self-hypnosis is very common with nervous speakers.

Hypnotically rehearse your speech whilst feeling relaxed. This produces the right 'blueprint' in your mind. In fact when you do this enough times it actually becomes hard to be nervous!

All great speakers know how to use great self-hypnotic rehearsal. Hypnosis changes attitudes and can bring emotion under control. I used hypnosis, to change my instincts around public speaking. Now I just can't get nervous whether it's 50 or 500 people. The world needs great communicators. Go for it!

Cure your fear of public speaking at HypnosisDownloads.com

Article by Mark Tyrrell of Hypnosis Downloads.com.

New Relationship-with-Self Information

Peaceful Music

New Child Abuse Stories

I have not added very many articles to the site the past few months due to working on an upcoming e-book and changing the look and feel, but stay tuned, before long you're going to see much, much more! Thanks for your patience, it will be well worth your wait ;)

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Upcoming Features

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